|
Dear ,
Taking a longer break from my ongoing obligations this summer is an interesting process and I thought, it might be worth sharing, as I believe I am not the only one experiencing something like this.
When I made the decision to start slowing down, which meant to limit my work “with the world outside” to the ongoing basic training, my internal system did not really get it.
I tried to relax, but my thoughts continued to check restlessly if there wasn’t anything I’d still have to accomplish or anyone I’d still have to take care of or serve. Feelings of guilt came up when I had to put clients’ requests for individual sessions off until September and more than once, I thought about whether I should make an exception.
It is so easy to fall into the trap of this inner voice: “But they might need you now. And what if it’s so urgent that they cannot wait?”
Luckily, I teach the “orders of helping”. As you see, it does not prevent the risk of being tempted to fall into the "helper trap" and forget about myself. But they help me to become aware of it, remember that “I only can give what I have” and take care of my own needs.
All this of course was not linear and sometimes in the past weeks it felt like an internal fight between my mind and my heart and even my body who showed me through episodes of leaden tiredness that it just wanted to rest.
And again, what I teach others came to my support: I took the time to observe myself, my patterns, my feelings of guilt, my uncertainty of what I really need in contrast to what I think I should do.
What a beautiful process of raising awareness, that I never stop learning about myself, understanding these different parts within me, acknowledging more and more who I am.
In the end I understood that the only thing I really want to do this summer is to finally write my book, to create something that would embrace me – as a facilitator, a teacher but most of all as a human being. A book that explains and expresses how I see and feel about constellations, written in simple words and from the heart. A book where I share my experiences and the experiences of others and that would touch the heart of the reader. A book that is “me”. A book where I can be of support and service even if I cannot be present personally.
Many words are already written, and the month of August will hopefully allow the book to get ready. I trust that things happen at the right time, as always. And if it takes more time, it will find its completion when it’s meant to be.
I wish you from the heart a month of August where you slow down a bit, too, observe yourself and your needs and allow yourself to do what is important for you, what nourishes your soul and your mind and of course your heart.
In the spirit of love and reconciliation
Ursula |
