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Dear ,
We all want a happy life, right? A life where we are at peace with the world around us.
The question is: Can we have something on the outside that we haven’t accomplished yet on the inside?
Most of the people that come to me, tell me about what they have to change in their life and how much work is still to be done to become a better version of themselves.
“I have to be stronger, I have to work harder, I have to be more patient, I have to change my habits, I have to set more boundaries, I have to get another degree, I have to let go of my anger, I have to be more disciplined, I have to let go of my dreams, I have to work harder on myself”, and so on and so on.
I guess most of us know these sentences. It feels like a never-ending invisible avalanche of orders rattling down in our minds creating pressure and compulsion.
It means that who or what we are now is not good enough. We reject who we are now, in this moment. We do not even see ourselves and have a deeper look to get to know who we really are.
It is like a constant war that we are fighting with the person we are now. And there are even weapons in this war: weapons made of words, of thoughts, of books we read, of people we listen to. And the real tragedy is that it is us using these weapons against ourselves and often even creating them.
And it all starts with three words: “I HAVE TO”
Usually, in the conversations that I have, there is a moment when I ask: “Can you hold on for a moment and see how it feels to change the “I have to” in “I AM ALLOWED TO”? Usually, the first reaction is a sigh, an exhale or a smile.
“I am allowed to be stronger, I am allowed to work harder, I am allowed to be more patient, I am allowed to change my habits, I am allowed to set more boundaries, I am allowed to get another degree, I am allowed to let go of my anger, I am allowed to be more disciplined, I am allowed to let go of my dreams, I am allowed to work harder on myself …...”
Most probably already now some of these belief patterns would not make sense anymore. Would you really allow yourself to work harder if this leads to stress and exhaustion? Would you really allow yourself to get another degree at this moment in time if this meant to have less time for your children and family?
And now, let’s go one step further. What would you still do if you changed “I AM ALLOWED TO” to “I DESERVE TO”? What would still make sense?
“I deserve to be stronger, I deserve to work harder, I deserve to be more patient, I deserve to change my habits, I deserve to set more boundaries, I deserve to get another degree, I deserve to let go of my anger, I deserve to be more disciplined, I deserve to let go of my dreams, I deserve to work harder on myself …...”
Even if you’d still do the same - wouldn’t it make things so much softer and most probably also much easier?
“I HAVE TO”
is a command, it’s harsh. It puts pressure on us, it creates stress and puts us in a straitjacket. And it finally leaves us with a feeling of failure if we do not reach what we “needed” to reach.
“I AM ALLOWED TO”
loosens the bonds that we have put around ourselves. It makes us aware of what is beneficial for us or what might harm us and guides us gently from inside.
“I DESERVE TO”
comes from an inner posture of knowing our value, of honoring ourselves, of respecting our limits and possibilities, and it opens up a space where the impossible might happen.
This is when the war inside has an end. When we lay down the weapons because there is nothing to fight any more. When we acknowledge that we have a value, no matter what we have achieved, no matter where we are in this moment in time. And from this embracing who we are we will feel, act, react and speak differently, allowing tiny shifts to happen.
How many “I HAVE TOs” exist in your daily life?
What happens if you exchanged them with “I AM ALLOWED TOs” and finally with “I DESERVE TOs”?
Try it out, write it down and see what happens. I would love to have your feedback about it, if you may.
Wishing you a month of June where you more and more get in tune with what you deserve.
In the spirit of love and reconciliation
Ursula |
