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Dear ,
This time demands a lot from us. One of these demands is to take decisions and make choices.
In the past few weeks I've been very interested in what decisions people make and why they make those decisions and what they choose.
And while I was pondering on all this I became aware that many people make decisions but only few really make conscious choices.
Making a choice means that I choose one option of something that has been offered to me. It is a conscious act and it implicates that
- I have the freedom to choose
- I am well informed about the possible choices
- I am aware of the consequences of my final choice
From what I read and heard – these three factors are often missing. And more – it seems that often people believe that they have no real choice.
So I reflected about where all this comes from and it wasn't long before I made the connection to the “Orders of Love” – especially the one that teaches us about “Belonging”.
We all have the need to belong - to a family, a group of friends, a company, a village, a country or to what other group we might belong to.
And this largely unconscious need to belong controls our actions and reactions.
Now, when we are in a situation where we have to make a choice individually, but it is a choice that everyone in our (small or large) system has to make, we easily loose the 3 prerequisites that are necessary for a real choice.
We are so afraid of being excluded from our group if our choice differs from the others that we forget about or even betray our freedom to choose.
Through the influence of the group we don’t dare to get or ask for more information. Our questions often are silenced in the same way they were silenced by our family of origin when we were small.
And although we might be aware of the possible consequences, we displace these thoughts, and become once again good and obedient children.
This need to belong has even another consequence. We start judging others who make different decisions or maybe real choices. Everyone who does not think or decide the same way our group does, is judged and thus excluded.
Instead of supporting each other, instead of connecting and discussing and having real conversations, we judge, blame and divide.
If only we would understand that every single moment gives us the opportunity to wake up, to reconnect and to unite.
In order to grow up and lead a self-determined life we need to risk our belonging by making conscious choices. We need to “leave” our family of origin in order to build a new and happy one, whilst gratefully giving our roots a place in our heart.
May your choices be blessed – however they look like. May they be free and well-informed choices, may you have the courage to ask and to question and may you be aware of the consequences for you and future generations. And may you accept each other’s decision or choice with respect and compassion.
I am sending you my best wishes for a beautiful start into spring.
In the spirit of love and reconciliation
Ursula
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